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Indecisive? …What, Can’t decide? –Decision making made easier. What I did..

January 29, 2012
 

 

 

Sometimes, too many decisions can drive you crazy.   It’s a wonderful thing to have  choices.  At times though, too many choices in front you,  depending on what it is,  can take you 

For-ev-er. 

There is a running joke in my family.. Whenever we have go out to eat and we are deciding what to order….You are sure to hear the following:  “Uh oh,  Coll’s’ ordering”,  this…. could take a while.”   ha–ha–ha…….(Not)    We don’t eat out very often, so this joke seems to have sticking power!    I have to say, I  don’t really mind, heck, I laugh too ,   it’s true!!..

 At times it can be annoying to have 10,000 choices staring at you.  You just want to make sure you pick the right way to go.  The right direction, the right one… for YOU.   You know, do the best thing.  Even if it’s just the fish……… or a salad.

Problem with that is… Sometimes we can’t always know what the right decision will be…. Until we

JUST MAKE  IT!

Doing what’s best

Now I’m NOT saying I’m perfect by ANY means !…

But for me, most of my life I have always tried to do what is best for everyone else in a situation, sometimes forgetting myself.     I hope I will always be that person that thinks to put others first.

But standing up for what you need in order to have a life you can be fulfilled and happy living,  I think is different.   I think in order to continue to be that person you want to be, the one who is happy with life, yourself and others, in order to keep that spirit healthy and alive you may need to do things that will give you the heart and spirit to be,  to continue to be….that person.

Sometimes, even though we know what to do, that is has to be done,  that first BIG step seems like that first step on the moon.. in slow motion, everyone watching …and life changing.  

 Well,  yea!  exactly!… right?!.

 Sometimes we are all pumped and ready to move on that decision and if we wait too long life can throw us curves that can make us…. less aggressive and then it’s   “Well, maybe I should wait on that move.”

Time….is not always a friend.

I have had something to decide and I can tell you… Taking too much time, although I think we should feel sure of our decisions, we can take all the time in the world and still not know if it’s going to be what we want,  we just have to make that decision and…. go forward.  Then sometimes we know what we want but it can be still difficult to take that first step.

But like I said, I have had this decision to make and it got postponed.  Over that time, things happened and now I need to make that decision.  But I found myself feeling… kind of shaky and very much …”small”.  You can have things happen that shake you up, and if it shakes your core…it can leave you unsure of yourself, not what you know you need or have to do….but unsure you can do it.     You just doubt your ability to be strong, well, not so much strong,  but maybe.. ….Bold 

So I got scared ….Then… I got mad!.  “Hey!, wait !,  what if I wait too long…. and it’s too late?    So.. I did this….

Finding a good balance

I got…. logical… I have a friend who is very logical.  I am as well.   Yes,  I am/can be very logical, realistic.  I am optimistic by nature but became even MORE an optimist  but a realist, taking care of Mom.  Sounds a little confusing but not really.  The best description of me I think is  that I am a Optimstic idealist, who knows how to be logical and realistic but will always believe that the impossible is always..possible and always waiting to happen.    

Sounds right. 

So I thought go at this like my friend!…. Like I said, my friend is very careful and can be systematic in their planning and everyday life.  I thought it works for them so why not try it myself.  I took it too their level and to be honest I am really comfortable there.. I lived that way for 10 years everything scheduled, timed, I literally lived , no kidding by the hour… I have the  books of daily schedules…I just thought it was good to stretch and be adaptable and like I said in a previous post.. Life can throw you curves and you need to be ready and act.. Being too systematic, a crisis or moment of change, could be possibly be hard for you.  It’s all a balancing act.

 The following is what I did.. I thought it could possibly help you out as well !.

 

Google it

Okay, I know.  But I had the thought “Google”.  You can find anything there right?   So I did.  For the heck of it I googled “websites that help people make decisions”  It’s amazing.  I love Google.  I didn’t go there to use that technique but I thought I bet there are so many people out there who do!.  I mean I have seen the question “How to kiss” come up on Google when I searched for “How to get a photo ID” which I did for the first time  actually!.   But I needed to know what I needed to get an ID,   so  I typed “How to” and 5 different questions popped up “How to kiss” was one. I had to laugh. 

So hey, you’re not alone.  Google gave me  LOTS of avenues to find different ways to help make all kinds of decisions.. So as silly and weird as it sounds.. Google it!!.. 

Not so much for personal decisions.. No, that I have to say my way, is the better way.. Go to your heart, your head, and others… but possibly for work related decisions and decisions that are not really personal. Try it !   I found as I looked, lots of interesting ideas on how to make decisions for work, Family, relationships.. But Here again, your own heart and friends and family, are my suggestion but there are professionals with great sites out there who really want to help and can.

This particular site and this Article I thought was great.  www.tinybuddah.com is a really nice site to look at and this http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-make-a-difficult-decision-30-tips-to-help-you-choose/ I thought was really a helpful blog post !.  Just one place that really had good insights !. 

 

 

 Look at it in black and white

Like my friend,  I wrote it down on paper.   My thought was if I can see it written out in  black and white it would not be so scary or seem so big.

 

Pros and cons

First I did the pros and the cons.  You know, two columns and start with the pro’s first, (good news first) then the …not so good news.

Sometimes talking to another person you trust can be a great help.

Talk it out with people you trust

I did this the other day.. I talked a little with a family member about it and it accomplish something I didn’t expect!.  it made it feel less a dream and more reality and took some of the size of the project away from it.  It took it out of my head and into the light  and talking about it made it feel so much more just something that can and will be done and less that big huge thing in my head that seemed so HUGE.

 

 

Talking to someone who HAS BEEN THERE

This is I think a great step and help if you have a person in your life available to you who you trust and has been in the place you are now, to talk it out with them and get their take on it, to ask how they felt, what the did, how they handled it and what the outcome was, to talk it over with them can be an amazing feeling. I have talked a bit about this with my go to person, but have made plans to really talk more for support and that voice of experience.  If you can this step is an amazing feeling because you have someone echoing back at you the same feelings and thoughts and you can feel alone at times with a decision or problem.  To talk it out with one who totally “gets it” feels so validating and you can get so much from this step.

 

 Picture yourself after having made your decision..Are you happy? 

  If it is something you have never achieved before or if this is a decision you have never had to make, another words unfamiliar territory for you, looking ahead to what will be,  can be kind of hard.   It can be difficult to see yourself somewhere you have never been .   Seeing yourself after the fact if you can, seeing and feeling yourself in that position after you have made your decision,  if you can do that, it can be a huge step in your decison making process. Can you see if you will be happy? at peace?  Try this step. Visualize yourself after you have made that decision, after the consequences,  then maybe you can make your decision easier than you think !.

Put a target date on making that first step….Then actually take that step.

 This has particular action has been wonderful.. I have been looking forward to it.  It made it more real and gave me a little time to mentally and emotionally prepare to take that next step.  I LOVEED this!  I now am looking forward to that date with less fear or sorry and more excitement.   Now I’m thinking about it, feeling more comfortable less worried, and like  I said,  of looking forward to it..But still am nervous.

In the end

The pros and cons list I already knew what that would be like but seeing it in black and white and reading the words just confirmed it outside my own head.

Talking it out with a family member brought it out of my own head and into a conversation that made it feel more real and less a dream but a reality that is really possible.  If you live with an idea or problem in your head and just there… It can seem huge and scary but if you talk it out even just a little it can bring it down to its realistic size and sharing it you aren’t  alone.

Talking to someone who has been there is one of THE best things you can do to gain support, a feeling of not being alone, understanding and validation.  Validation because if you feel no one can truly feel or understand your problem, then you can feel even more lost and possibly that maybe you are the only one…  If you have that person who can say “Yes!” that’s exactly what I felt and I totally understand!” is something you can’t put a price on.

Putting a date  to it,   making that next step is the,  so far, best thing .  I think it can take it out of the idea or plan stage and into reality and force you to stay accountable to yourself.  and maybe even begin to look forward the that step.

Having a good support system in making big decisions, any decisions, is a good idea but sometimes we aren’t in the position to have that.  Sometimes we have to face things alone. Just know you are strong , capable and smart and can handle whatever you need too.  But checking into  maybe talking to a professional is also a good idea.  I personally feel we all should be born with one..    A person to talk things out with,   “a personal professional”  so to speak.   As soon as we are born we should all be assigned a “friend” who is a good listener and can talk things out with us… So if you need it, seeking a professional is a good thing.  I think after my Mom, I my Dad and my brothers would have been the better for it.  We are OK. But somethings, life changing, life altering situations can be all-encompassing.    But talking it all out… I may do that one day.  I think it ‘s a great idea… with the right person. 🙂

An amazing book

I am currently reading a book suggested by a friend called “The Traveler’s Gift.”   It is one of the most amazing books I have ever read and this is part of the book.   It touched and moved me so much I had to have you see it ….I wanted you to be as moved as I was…

                                                 “I have a decided heart.”

A wise man once said, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”  Knowing this to be true, I am taking my first step today.  For too long my feet have been tentative, shuffling left and right, more backward than forward as my heart gauged  the  direction of  the wind.  Criticism, condemnation and complaint are creatures of the wind.  They come and go on the wasted breath of lesser beings and have no power over me.  the power to  control direction  belongs to me.  today I will begin to exercise that power.  My course has been charted.  My destiny is assured.  I have a decided heart.  I am passionate about my vision for the future.

I will awaken every morning with an excitement about the new day.  And it’s opportunity for growth and change. My thoughts and actions will work in a forward motion, never sliding into the dark forest of doubt or the muddy quicksand of self-pity.  I will freely give my vision for the future to others, as they see the belief in my eyes, they will follow me.

I will lay my head on my pillow at night happily exhausted, knowing that i have done everything within my power to move the mountains in my path.  As I sleep, the same dream that dominates my waking hours will be with me in the dark.  Yes, I have a dream.  It is a great dream, and I will never apologize for it.  Neither will I ever let it go, for if I did my life would be finished.  My hopes, my passions, my vision for the future are my very existence.  A person without a dream never had a dream come true.

I have a decided heart.  I will not wait. 

I know that the purpose of analysis is to come to a conclusion.  I have tested the angles.  I have measured the probabilities.  And now I have made a decision with my heart.  I am not timid.  I will move now and not look back.  What I put off until tomorrow, I will put off until the next day as well.  I do not procrastinate.  All my problems become smaller when I confront them.  If I touch a thistle with caution, it will prick me, but if i grasp it boldly, its spines crumble into dust.

I will not wait.  I am passionate about my vision for the future.  My course has been charted.  My destiny is assured.

I have a decided heart.

 

I wanted to share this with you because it moved me so much.  It is my hope it will reach your heart and move you to take action on a dream you have. 

Heart smarts

I have printed this out and am going to read it everyday.  First when I get up in the morning and then before bed.  

If you listen to your heart and what it is telling you…you will never go wrong.  In the end it will be there in your heart you will answer too in any decision you will ever make in life.  Being able to make that decision and have peace of heart you’ll know you have made the only one that you could make.  If you are at peace with your decision whether it be simple or life changing, for me, I feel that means it’s the right one.    Take a look at the video , it’s a great uplifting song…. Life really IS a Rollercoaster ride. 

As the song says,  so would my Mom…  “Coll,   shine while you have the chance to shine.” 

That’s what it really comes down to..

For me.   For all of us.

 

Thank you for coming to my blog.  I appreciate your time so much.  I am hoping to make a few changes as I said. pretty soon. Video…is one.   If you would like, I would love for you to follow me at the following places.

www.Facebook.com/ColleenFKelly

The blog fan page!  www.http://www.facebook.com/pages/A-Work-in-Progress/164024550360921

Go to the top of this page and you can follow me on Twitter too!.

Please check out www.iwouldcoach.com It’s a great site I always mention because It’s close to my heart.  I’m a blogger because of the man who writes this blog.   He is a great guy and a talented blogger.! Please check it out if you would like to be a part of a friendly, intelligent community that I’m happy to say I, am a part of.

 

If you would like, please leave a comment on how you come to tough decisions and tell me what you thought of the excerpt from the book!  I really would like to know.. Thanks !

Have a great week ! 😉

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. January 30, 2012 1:33 AM

    Great steps you shared for making tough decisions Colleen and I do hope that you did make the one that’s right for you. I remember you telling me that you had a major decision to make although I have no idea what it involves.

    I loved the Traveler’s Gift and have recommended that book to several people. I believe it’s one of my favorites now.

    Anyway, thanks for sharing this with us and a little more of what you’ve been going through on the way to making this major decision that you’ve had to do. I can only believe that you have definitely made the one that’s right for you!

    • February 1, 2012 1:38 AM

      Hey Adrienne,

      I know I didn’t get into to much or really at all of what my decision is. I have no problem telling you, really. I would just rather not at this point, say where the world can see..lol
      I have to try a DM on Twitter. You will understand when I tell you. 🙂

      It’s more like something you know you have to do to be happy. It’s in the “DOING IT”. I if I , correction, when I do it, I will be happy. I think it’s in “the waiting”. I had too, and in that time, having TOO MUCH time to think about it, you know it grows into this HUGE scary thing because , well heck, you fed it ! haha you think and think and think..
      It pays to just do things (if possible) and not wait. Waiting just gives little concerns or worries a life of their own..

      Thank you for coming to check out the blog!! I appreciate the support so very much 😉 have a great week! 😉

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