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Our mean… “little voice”….

March 3, 2012

 

I’m a big believer in listening to your “little voice’.  The one for example that whispers to us that we aren’t making the right choice even though everything looks right, still we feel something….. Is off or just not right, so we change minds and it turns out that little voice was right!.    Or even when you hear a news story in which someone says,  

“I just knew not to get on that plane” …..I just knew“.

THAT little voice,  I firmly believe we should follow and listen too… All the time.  I try very hard to do that.  I think if you listen to your heart, you can’t go wrong.  I truly believe it.    

That said…

We have another ‘little voice’ .  This one… Is not so helpful.

 

There is another little voice that we listen but this one only seems to want to cause trouble.  Not guide us to make the right decisions or save the day.   No, this one seems to show up when we get depressed or just after our confidence level has taken an upper cut to the jaw.  Like when something happens that causes us to feel small, vulnerable and in a lot of cases…alone.

 Feeling low, that sneaky little voice can convince you NOT to try harder, that you shouldn’t bother.  It can convince you NOT to ask that girl to marry you.  It can convince you NOT to TRY ONE MORE TIME to reach that goal or dream , when IF you did,  you might have had everything you dreamed of.  All you had to do…. was try one more time.

It can make you think you’re stupid, or make you feel self conscious for doing something that was just……HUMAN .

Okay, so how can we prevent that little voice from winning?

 

Handling that ‘little voice’ like a pro!

A moment is not who you are! Don't let it grip you!.

The trick is to neutralize that little voice when it starts whispering to your  “confidence”  how dumb you are…  Like for instance…. 

How stupid you look now that you have tripped and fell across the stage, in front of the audience you were making your BIG speech in front of, that little voice,  letting you know you might as well now crawl off that same stage instead of getting up,  walking to the podium, looking out at that crowd, who is now trying to muffle their laughter,  look them all straight in the eye and say…. 

“What a trip I HAD……… to be here tonight!!”  (An example of handling that little voice the best way.)    Corny,  but effective!  

Remembering who we really are in that moment, is the key to nuetralizing that little voice.

 But unfortunately,  sometimes,  it wins..     It can have impeccable timing.  You’re alone, hurt, feeling small, no one around to turn to.  That moment of being vulnerable and open, CAN even change the course of your life.

 

 A bad moment….. that won

 

I know someone who wanted to be a Police Officer.   On the day they took their exams they were feeling really good about it, as it turned out, they did really well on all their exams.  Even though my friend was sick with a bad cold and fever,  he passed and received a good grade on his physical exam as well.. (He had to take his exams that day, there were no make up exams.)

My friend, even though he was told he aced his exams and was well liked, did not get the spot he was trying for. 

He later found out,  and just told me as a matter of fact, that they spoke to a person involved with the situation at the time, and was told he would have been chosen, only that the person making that final decision….. Chose a close friend  for the spot instead. 

My friend was so hurt and disappointed that he didn’t want to take the test again right away.  In that moment, the feeling of failure hurt so much it made him feel, his best wasn’t good enough,  so why try again.  He KNEW his grades, he had even aced the physical part sick.

He had done everything right.   It still it wasn’t enough.   So he thought.

He didn’t know at the time the choice was made not according to his performance, but because someone knew someone else.

 Today, a few years later,  he told me, in a conversation we had about a month ago he wished he had tried one more time,  but he was just too hurt and stunned at the time .  He didn’t feel he could stand going through that all again after doing everything he could in the first place.  Not right away.

He thought trying at a later time would be better…But he never did.   

Funny, we always think ….. maybe later.

That little voice talked him into not trying, talked him into giving up, that he failed and there was no point in trying again.

Life can hit us hard!. Sometimes we're too hurt to "swing back"..

 

Guess what?

 

That moment of disappointment overwhelmed him as it can all of us.  That little voice screamed so loud he couldn’t hear anything else but .  If he had been able to neutralize that voice when it first started whispering It might have changed everything that day. 

Maybe the rest of his life.       

That’s scares me.    I have felt stupid in a moment,  too many as a matter of fact.  I’m human.  But right now I can see and realize that fact.  When that little voice grabs a hold of us in that weak and vulnerable moment of feeling stunned and hurt,  what if …….We listen to it and let it ..

Change our destiny.       

We have to turn that moment around!.

 

 

Tips for neutralizing that lying little voice

 1. In that moment Stand back!  View it as a spectator… and really look at the situation –If you can manage to take that step back in that moment, see it as a spectator looking into the situation,  what would you tell that person if you could? … Would you tell them they failed and to quit?… Or would tell them to hold on and keep trying?   Then do it.   Give that to yourself.  If it were someone else you know you would do that for them….Do it for you!      You deserve it no less!.

2.  Seek out those who believe in you –find someone who supports you and is always in your corner.  Let them show you from the stand point of someone who knows you and sees you not only in a moment of failure or weakness but sees you in your strongest moments as well.  Someone who can give you a true picture of who you are.   Not just the failure you are feeling and seeing in the mirror at the moment.

 3.  Look for the underdog success stories–The world is full of underdogs and amazing stories of men and women who never gave up despite their many failures and setbacks.  You can google a million or look around at those you trust and love.  Each one will most likely have a story of their own that you will find inspiring.  Talk to them.  You might find you have a few of the most inspiring people in the world, as members of your own family as well as your friends …and you had no idea.

 

 The bottom line is this

We have to surround ourselves with those who really know and see the real us on a regular basis.  Friends, family, people who we’re ourselves with and have seen us at our worst… and our best. .  Those are the voices we need to seek out when that little voice is being loud and annoying.

I know in a moment of embarrassment, of fear, feeling we have failed,  the moments of humanity we all too often take as a window into our true selves, that it can seem hopeless or a waste of time,  but it’s not that 1%  of our lives that defines us,  Please hear me,  

It’s not.

 It’s the other 99% of our lives we live each day.  It’s not the fleeting moments it takes to trip, fall, misstep, or fail an exam.   The moments we think are such huge failures.   It’s the life lived each day.   That other 99% we tend to forget about.  Helping others, giving our time and of ourselves, loving, caring, sharing, and fighting and working everyday to make our lives and the lives of those we love better,  that defines who we really are.    Those moments are so much more precious the real us than those little moments when we stumble.  We have to realize that is truly our real, authentic self….

 

Not that other 1% when we’re just  being Human.

 

 

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. March 5, 2012 4:57 PM

    So Colleen, that good little voice that is giving you all those wonderful suggestions is your intuition. It’s your higher self pointing you in the right direction. It’s never wrong so people need to be more aware and just listen more often. It’s that gut feeling or that instant knowledge that you need to do something else. It’s something I wish more people would actually pay attention to because it can truly save your life.

    That other little mean voice you speak of is your ego. It gets in the way of you being the person you can be because it wants to take over and you need to push it aside. Don’t let it rule you.

    I hate that your friend didn’t try out again for the police academy and I can understand his frustration. I think though that if you really want something bad enough, you’ll keep going until you reach that destination. Take Dan for instance. He’s the perfect example of not giving up. My post to day is actually about him so what you wrote today just reminded me of his own journey.

    You are right and these are great tips. Don’t ever let your ego take over because it doesn’t have your best interest at heart. To me it’s like the good angle on one shoulder and the devil on the other. Who are you going to listen to when it all comes down to it! I’m with the angel any day of the week.

    Have a good one Colleen.

    ~Adrienne

    • March 9, 2012 4:18 AM

      Adrienne,

      First please forgive me it took so long to reply. Computer acting up and crazy here lately lol… (Borthers and Fathers.. yikes!)
      I think maybe you should have written this post!. You’re smart. I LOVE the fact that you said to always trust that little voice , your intuition. I believe that with all my heart.
      I have to say ever since I lost Mom I have never needed to talk to her more. crazy huh. So I love that you said that because I have been listening to that voice and following it.
      Ego! There ya go! Thank you for that!. I like that better than “That mean little voice” lol I really think you should have done this post Adrienne lol…
      My friend , I wish he had tried again too. But I think being a police Officer , I don’t know. He is a Manager/Bartender now of the restaurant in a big hotel here in NJ. He thinks about it though. Which I hate. I know he wonders “what if”.

      Thank you for coming I appreciate that you do. I look forward to seeing your comments. I always take away something from them!
      Dan. Yes that is one thing about him that I do admire. He doesn’t give up, doesn’t quit. I admire that in people so much because I know it can be so hard sometimes to find that strength. I loved your post on Reality TV! I saw Dan’s comment. I think He apprecicated it so much!. He’s lucky to have you as a friend. 🙂
      I’m with you on the Angels side. Yes, I think you’re right there for sure!.
      Have a good weekend Adrienne! Thanks for coming! 🙂 I appreciate it so much! 😉

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